Olafsvik, Icelandic for...

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Day 2:  The long and winding road to Olafsvik...

On our second day in Iceland, we started off no more crazy than we usually would have.  We got up, stored the luggage and walked over to get the car.  The city was surrounded by fog  Not just rolling in off the water a 'lil but thick ass fog.  Put your hand in front of your face.  Can't see it?

This fog was thicker.

We had a long ride ahead of us to Olafsvik on the Snaefellsnes Peninsula to the northwest of Reykjavik.  For those of you who do not know about Iceland - and that would include us if we hadn't gone there, there is one road around the entire country called the ring road, route 1.  The middle is pretty much impassible thanks to the glaciers, volcanoes and mountains in the area.  After some research and what we thought would work for us, we headed to Snaefellnes Peninsula, so named after the national park, so named after the glacier that's there.  The ride was fucking amazing.  There are waterfalls everywhere, literally every quarter to half a mile – just popping out of the mountains.   We had a debate on what exactly made a water fall.  Thankfully, I was able to get Jess to understand that "falling water" does not automatically equate to a "waterfall."  This could have been a potential sticking point for the remainder of the trip.

Everything was very green during this visit.  You can look at the landscape and understand the references to other planets and "out of this world" scenes.  It really is an amazing place one that tells the story itself:  you can see, feel and smell the constant physical conflict that has taken place and made this land what it is today.  There is nothing I can say that will make you understand, it is honestly one of those places you should visit yourself to have a true understanding.

Jess decided that she wanted to stop and see the Settlement museum about the settlement of Iceland.  Which was fine because there was a cache there and you could climb the tower it was hidden under free of charge = bonus!

Not sure exactly what was said because he was a maniac the entire time in there.  I am pretty sure that anyone who is Icelandic can trace their family back to the original settlers and that is pretty cool.  It is also borderline if not disgustingly incestuous that an entire country can spring from approximately 36 people.

He did like being able to go on the fake bow of the ship.  

When the museum was done, we went to a local school's  playground and had lunch and hung out and ate lunch.

He's a sucker for the giant sandbox and black sand.

I sat there and thought about the fact that we are sitting in this playground, looking behind it and on the side and seeing water and mountains.  They probably don't even think about it - it's just common place like we think about NYC or getting to the beach easily.  It just is.  They, like us, must take for granted what's around them.

We got back in the car and hit a few caches on the way to Olafsvik.  There were two near an old volcano crater, Eldborg.  We parked the car, looked at the horses and then headed over to the trail.  It was pretty cold and windy but not too bad.  As we got to the trailhead, which was part of a farmers property there were a bunch of cows right on the fucking trail.  I'm talking as soon as you open the gate.  I'm not exactly afraid of cows, but they're not too fucking bright and they're big so if they decided to do something, you're screwed.  As soon as I opened the gate and one started tapping his hoof and inching forward.  I'm thinking shit, they're gonna charge and zip right out of this pasture area.  Not only will I be squashed but I will have to pay the farmer for his lost cows.  Jess and the baby got in an moved down the trail.  I stared the cows down and then got on the trail, checking my back for the next quarter mile.


We found the cache easily enough and then started to make our way back to the trail head.  Wouldn't you know it?  Those dumbass cows knew that it was time for them to go in.  The farmer was there herding them from the field to their barn.  Not, however, I would like to point out, before the had crapped all over the place.  On the way back we watched some jackass in a Rav4 drive through the river and then stop on the other side.  Never got out and never moved - probably flooded out. We stopped to check out and pet the Icelandic ponies and then got back on the road for the last leg of the trip.

On the next leg of the drive, Jess reminds me that we do not have a stove, just a microwave.  But she doesn't say it exactly like that and I am left with the impression that we have things other than a microwave at our disposal.   "You're going to cook raw chicken in the microwave?"  I ask.  "Yeah," she replies, "I found an awesome recipe for it."  

I'm not sure if I was in shock, horrified or the seriousness of the situation just didn't register with me.  It was left at that and we continued on our way.

We were coming to the end of the ride after enjoying the scenery and I knew and she reminded me that the last bit of road changes to gravel.  Just before it, however, she had passed some large truck that we were going faster than.  Some trucker who drives these roads all the time.  He let us by and a few minutes later we hit the gravel road.

You have to go 10 km/hr slower on the gravel road but this does not help us in our shitty small ass hatch backed Hyundai from sliding on the gravel.  The first stretch of the road the grade was 10% and then it jumped up to 12.  The road had a lot of curves, no fucking guardrails and massive drops to our death on either side of us.

Where's the experienced truck driver you ask?  He's right in our assholes.  There's no way he's going to slow down in time should Jess spaz and we start careening off the side of the road.  The little Hyundai is sliding, the large tires of the truck are gripping and there's no doubt in my mind that at least something bad is going to happen.

Amazingly, we make it to the end and find ourselves on the paved road to Olafsvik again.  Surely, I am only kept alive so that I can die at the hands of fucking microwaved raw chicken.

We got to the hotel, which has no internet in the rooms, only in their lobby and restaurant area.  This place must be owner by Russian mobsters.  We head to the grocery store and the baby if off, all he wants to do is play with balls and trucks that are for sale in the store.  Jess if hunting for food because the place closes in about 5 minutes and nothing makes sense as to where shit is.

It's here that things kinda went south.  "What are you getting the chicken for?"

"I told, you, we're going to cook it in the microwave, I found a really good recipe."

"I'm not eating raw chicken cooked in the microwave.  That's begging for salmonella. No fuckin' way dude."

"Well, that's what I had planned."

"We can eat out."

 Thankfully baby Neil was spazzing so I could take him outside.  All I could think of was this mental girl we saw in Paris two years prior.  (I'm gonna fucking puke thinking about it).  I don't know if she was retarded or insane, but she was a gypsy, the Roma.  We are on the escalator coming out of the subway and headed to the church of Saint Denis.  This crazy ass takes a whole raw chicken out of a plastic bag, james it up in her face and starts smelling it.

The she smells her hand.  I had pointed this out to everyone (Jess and her parents) but at this point I told Jess not to watch anymore (she was about 4 months pregnant).

Then she licked both her hand and her chicken.

She licked the fucking raw fucking chicken.

The she puts her fucking salmonella infested and licked hand on the railing of the escalator.  My hand is on that thing and who knows how many fucking raw chickens she has stolen and licked on this escalator.  I don't get sceeved easily but I am ready to boil water and scald myself with it.  I have seen TONS of crazy shit in NYC but this absolutely takes the fucking cake.

When we got back to the hotel room - self catering, they like to call it.  We unpacked all our stuff.  I looked at the little Chernobyl cooking machine with disgust and almost puked in my mouth again thinking of the girl in Paris.

Someone was looking out for me, because Jess announces that there is nothing in the apartment, no oil to cook with, and barely any items to use to cook stuff with.  She announces that we are going to have to eat out and do I want to go to the restaurant in the hotel for dinner.  "Sure," I said, "Too bad, I was looking forward to that microwaved raw fucking chicken."

We decided to take it easy for the remainder of the evening.  We walked around the pier and looked at the boats, then up to the waterfall across the street.  The baby picked flowers for momma and we just hung out and relaxed.  We decided not to go to the playground because, shit we needed something to do the next evening.  (Keep in mind that the photos below were taken between like 8-9:30 at night.  That midnight sun thing, that shit is no joke!)

So, this room is a studio, which means his travel crib is right near us and it's fairly bright in the room.  I get him in the sack and try to sneak over to the bed.  I hop in and like 2 minutes later he starts calling out and is standing and looking at us in the "dark" of the room.  

Jess and I are both trying not to laugh.  Well, I am laughing but I have the covers over my chin and nose.  He's there looking for about 30 minutes, not saying anything, just looking around, like WTF.  We don't know if he's thinking 'I can see you two idiots' or 'Where is everyone?' or   We both fall in and out of sleep and I eventually have to get up and get him back to sleep because he started crying.  

He was probably weeping because he thought that I was forced to choke down the microwaved raw chicken.  Really good recipe...does it include a BBQ and or flames?

It was an interesting first night in Olafsvik to say the least.

Travel, then rejuvenation, then delirium

Saturday, July 27, 2013

The morning started with our journey through Glencoe to the airport in Glasgow.  We ended up leaving at 10.  We wanted to leave at 8:30.

This wouldn't normally pose a problem, except for the fact that we could be cutting it close if there were any issues with weather, or construction or things like that.

We were again floored by the scenery.  It was just as scenic as the Ft. William area.  The road was winding and as a result we started to hit traffic in a number of spots.  People were just driving really slowly because they wanted to look at the mountains and green and open spaces.  People were driving slow as shit.  To add to it, in a lot of places there was construction.  Because the roads are small and one lane, they do this thing where they have lights and only let in a certain amount of cars and you have to wait.  In one spot, it was worse, you had to wait for your escort.  So there was one shit head who drove back and forth between the two spots.

To make things better the clouds were getting a lot darker.

Here comes the rain.  It's like 11:15, we wanted to be there by like 12.  We still have an hour to go.  It's pouring.  By pouring, I mean monsooning.  It's 11:30 and the rain has changed to biblical proportions.  The road is full of water.  It's taking longer and longer because people are driving slower and slower.

We finally got off the drive and are near Glasgow, it's like 12.  As we get closer and closer to the exit, and because signposts and not in English in this English speaking country, we miss the exit.  We zip around get off and back on and get to the place to drop off the car.  Jess is talking to the guy, I am unpacking the car and the baby is pissed that he's in the stroller.  We race over to the check in and the girl from Iceland Air says that we are there in time.  No problem, we have plenty of time.  Are there any other airports like JFK in the world?

Before heading out, we got the baby into his first kilt and pipes.

The plane ride went very well.  The baby was well behaved and was good throughout the vast majority of the flight.  In fact, I can't remember him being much fussy at all.

We were able to manage getting all of our shit and carrying it out to get the bus to the Blue Lagoon.  We should have made it on the last bus but apparently my time at the currency exchange caused us to miss it and we had to wait for the next one in about half an hour.

The baby was very excited to get the bus to the Blue Lagoon.  I think the bus was the best part of his trip.  He got to sit in the driver's seat and drive the bus while we waited.  The entire fucking trip, Scotland, castles, ruins, headed to Iceland and he's excited about the bus!

The Blue Lagoon for those of you who do not know, is a famous spa in Iceland.  It uses the recycled geothermal water from the free heating systems that the country has.  The water is ridiculously blue and there is silica on the bottom that people put on their skin to help with a number of different ailments.  The temperatures are range from a number of different degrees - it's never cold.  You can get massages and other treatments but just being in the water is generally good enough.

He enjoyed climbing the rocks that you were not supposed to be climbing on.

The Europeans and Asian tourists are really fucking weird.  The place is pretty big and large enough that you don't really have to get near other people and you sure as shit don't need to brush against them, and you sure as fuck don't need to do it if you're wearing a speedo.  I don't get it.  At one point I asked Jess if the old German guy grabbed her ass.  She said he did not.

The buses left on the 15 and we were going to get out after an hour, but decided that we would not have gotten our 80 euro worth of high class pampering so we decided to wait for the next one at 7:15.  They got out first and used the towels and then I got out and met them at the store inside.

After getting out of the water, the baby had a snack.  Who's more pampered than him?  He's rejuvenated, chillin' in his seat and has a snack.

He was very excited when the bus pulled up because he got to get on another, "Bus bus! Bus! Bus! Bus!"

We got the bus in to Reykjavik and had to do a switch at the bus station because they needed a small bus to get on to the streets our place was on.  Once we got inside, he was deliriously tired, running in the hall he fell and smashed his head and got a nice mark and what looked like a rug burn.

After settling in, Jess suggested that we head to a place that she read about, the Noodle Station.  I have to admit, that she is good and tried to find places that will have food for both of us.  I'm imagining some kind of Ramen noodle type of place.  It was Thai.  Jess got some bowl with noodles and veggies and I got some chicken with noodles.  I thought the place sucked.  It was shitty meat and quite frankly, the guy used all the same stuff to put both of our food in the containers so there is no way she didn't get any meat in hers - at least broth.  There had to be some meaty bits too, which must be why she thought the food was awesome.  Basically, I go shafted in Chinese food again!

After we ate, we did our usual bedtime routine.  I don't know why people do this but they do:  who slams doors in fucking hotel/hostel/rental places.  Do you think you're the only one here?  Have some courtesy - you're not even screaming and yelling drunk, you're just a loud douche bag!  Luckily he didn't wake his highness up.  

Last full day in Alba...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

On our last full day in Scotland, we decided we would head for a little outdoor activity.  Hiking was on the agenda and we headed to the Nevis Gorge in the shadow of Ben Nevis, the highest peak in Scotland or the UK for that matter.  I wish we were able to go to the top but, that's how it is when you have a 20 month old, you can't always do things the way you used to.

It's not a complaint, it's just an observation.  The gorge more than made up for it.  Hidden in it is the Steall Waterfall.

We started to drive over to the area which was not far from where we were located.  As we were driving, the road soon turned into this one lane road and it looked like we had left civilization and made our way into West Virginia, minus the inbreeding.  The landscapes make you forget the fact that you are careening down a one lane road with your wife tightly hugging the wrong side of the road.  If I hear one more time, "It doesn't matter, it's one lane" she will be careening over the waterfall.  The "passing places" were minimal and at least once or twice we could have easily gotten into a head on crash, thankfully, we didn't.

When we got to the end of the Inbreeding Highway, I was pleasantly surprised to see a parking lot and the lot was pretty full.  I really didn't think there would be one since it barely looked like a legit road in the first place.

We let His Eminence walk the first couple of hundred or thousand feet or so but the trail was a little rough and there were gaps in part of the path to let the water run down the side of the mountain and trail.  We put him in the backpack and in doing so, we thought we smelled a massive poo.  The good news:  I wasn't holding him.  The bad news:  I was downwind.

The flies on the trail were pretty crappy.  They or at least one persistent little fucker would attack and follow you for quite some time before he would either get caught by a swatting hand or be so full of your blood he would waddle away.  The flies are substantial in size and their bites hurt.  When you grab one and crush it, you can hear the cracking and feel some liquid shoot out of them. They're no joke.  Fucking solid.  The trail itself was not too remarkable, much of it was covered by tree canopy and it was damp in places, hence the pre-historic sized flies.  Many of the rocks were worn by constant use and were slippery as a result.

The flies wouldn't be so bad if my frugal wife (by frugal, I mean cheap) didn't decide that she would try to return the bug spray to Tesco along with some other stuff to get our money back since we didn't use it.

What the trail does do is let you know you are slowly coming to the area of the waterfall.  You start to hear the rush of water below, it's not the falls but it is the stream that has been made as a result.  There are tons of huge boulders that the stream is running through and you get the idea that these have been dumped here by the glacier that ripped this place apart thousands of years ago.  Maybe millions.

Millions of years to create this wonder and we only get 100 if we're lucky to do something spectacular.

The trail opens up to a gorge and you can see the waterfall in the distance in front of you.  The area is totally open and green.  The stream rolls gently by as you walk in the opposite direction, oblivious to the fact that you're being carried by cicada sized flies until one sinks it's razor sharp fangs into you.

When you get closer to the falls, there is a riverbed and it's then that you realize that the gorge is much larger than you originally thought that it was.  It bends to the left.

Before heading down to the riverbed, we grabbed a geocache.  Nice easy find on a great walk - just the kind we like to do.  By we, I mean me because Jess hates the outdoors.  And puppies.

We headed down into the riverbed to have lunch because there was a decent breeze blowing through there and it was strong enough to keep the gargantuan flies away - so it must have been like 40 mph.  The sun was out and we sat and enjoyed some PB&J while His Eminence collected and threw rocks.  Three rock minimum.  He seemed to be a little chilly but we didn't have his sweatshirt with us, so, we double bibbed him.  What's double bibbing, you ask?  Take a look:

It's like children's chain mail, only cotton and with Elmo and crap on it.

We learned how to draw on one rock with another.

Of course, since the poo on the way up the mountain was not a poo at all he must have only farted, in my face, he  took a shit at lunch.

I'm not proud of this next part of the story but sometimes, you need to think about survival.  After changing his diaper, I had a choice, carry the diaper, load and all or leave the shit.  Mind you, I have carried numerous shitty diapers around with me as necessary during this trip.  As a matter of fact, I would have taken this one too but, survival mode kicked in.  The flies.  They are large enough to wrestle and I am pretty sure I can handle one, two and probably three of them at one time but with a stinky shit on my back, I'm not sure I could have repelled the attacks of the droves of lies that would have come after me.

So, I left the shit.

Covered with a bunch of rocks.

It's not what I would have normally done while out in nature, but I had to think about survival and getting my family home safely and quite frankly, a steaming pile of shit on my back would have held us down in a number of different ways.

The wind started to die down a little and we decided to grab the other cache in the area about half a mile away, thus adding an additional mile to the hike.  Jess wasn't sure how he would do because he seemed a little cranky but I was like, "No way, we're finding that other cache."  And we did, and I am glad we did because we were able to go to the other end of the gorge (at least part way) and get a view of the place from there and it looked a bit different.

After making the find, His Eminence fell asleep in the backpack and we headed back out on the trail, keeping a good pace so that we could keep from being attacked by the flies.

We headed to the store.  Not sure which, ah yeas, Tesco to return those things, including the bug spray.  They wouldn't take it back because we had no receipt and it was not Tesco brand.  So, we all got bit to hell for nothing.  We then came home and hung out for a bit.  His Eminence seems to be copying more and more things that I do each day.  I'm going to have to watch that.  Today though, it was just fake napping.

Again with the ass in my face.

After relaxing for a bit, we headed up to the ski lift and took up to the top of one of the mountains.  They have mountain bike trails there in the summer and it was fun watching them come down as we went up.  The views were absolutely spectacular.  We didn't get out and hike like other people were doing because His Eminence needed more sunscreen and we didn't have it with us.

After our trip, we headed to Brown's (which was recommended to us) for dinner.  He was a little loopy and didn't want to sit in his seat, wear his bib or do anything other than eat his pasta:

Jess had like 30 plates of stuff - for a place with no vegan food, she did ok.  I had a venison casserole that was quite tasty and we were all pretty stuffed in no time at all.

We wanted to give His Eminence some time to run around since he was in the pack for a good portion of the day, so Jess asked where a park was.  In typical Scottish direction giving fashion, the girl told her to go past Morrison's and you will find it.

We did, and we found it.  Right smack in the middle of some low income housing.  How do I know?  All the houses were the same, painted the same stucco except for the moulding on the windows.  Those were electric blue, fire engine red or some kind of nuclear booger green.   In addition, the playground equipment was shitty and probably had been there since the middle 80s.  The wood looked like it had been set on fire and the metal slides had razor blades on them.

There were a few local boys in the park, playing around and the baby was fascinated - especially with their soccer balls.  They hung around for a bit and had some interactions with him and then left.  They came back a little later and asked if he wanted to play dodgeball with them (I think they just wanted to play with his ball that he stole from the cistern at Dunnottar).  I said that he was too little to play dodgeball and one boy questioned the other about it:

-So, is he gonna play with us.
-No, he can't.  They said he's too little he doesn't know how.
-Can't you just tell him how?

Gotta love little kids.  Not only do they have no clue that dodgeball is not a good idea for a 20 month old but then they talk about it in front of us like we're not there.  At one point one of the boys fell off the monkey bars right on his head.  I asked if he was ok and he said, no, then yes.  It was at this point I told Jess it's time to go - we're not getting caught up in some kind of Gypo scam where the whole neighbourhood comes outside and tries to say I knocked him down and then squeeze us for a few hundred quid to "not have seen anything" and ensure we safely get out of the area (see what was going on in that sentence?).  We headed home and got His Eminence ready for bed.

I have been calling the baby the Third Wheel for a lot of this trip.  And, he is.  We do a lot of things differently because he is with us.  We don't do a lot of things we would have done had he not been with us.  Today alone, we would have hiked a much farther distance, gone down on the boulders where we first heard the water and hiked at the top of the ski left.  But we didn't because we had a third wheel to worry about.  Jess keeps saying, you're making it sound like the trip sucks.  I replied, the trip would have only sucked if I cared that we didn't get to do those things but I don't and I am ok with missing those things because it's better for him.  It gives us a reason to have to come back, with him and a few others.

A ferry, a beach, 70s porn and excessively small glassware...

Monday, July 22, 2013

We had another lazy morning.  I'm not complaining.  We woke up and drove to Armadal to grab the ferry to the mainland, grabbing a cache along the way.  We had a reservation for the ferry at 3:20 and planned our day around seeing the  Clan Donald Castle but once we got there we were like, eh and decided to see if we could get on the 1:30 ferry.

The guys lining up the cars heard our story and had us pull in a line.  Jess went in to see if we could change our reservation.  The man at the counter couldn't seem to make up his mind as to whether or not we could get on the earlier ferry.  He said he thought so but wasn't sure and would try to make room.  Jess came out and told me and I was like, well screw it, we're already in line, so he really doesn't have a choice.  Good thing we didn't ask him for directions.

We were both pretty puzzled as to why he couldn't figure out if he could switch our reservation or not, but he did and we were able to get on the ferry - amazingly, in an orderly and safe manner, not like a RyanAir flight.

The baby enjoyed the ride, running on some seats, calling some Swiss people's motorcycle helmets balls and eating some lunch.  We got to the other side, Mallaig, and decided to stop at the beach that was nearby - it had white sands, which at home, we call the beach.  I guess it is a novelty here.

Morar was a parking nightmare as there is a parking lot the size of a postage stamp.  Jess had a spot, was uncomfortable and then went down the road and came back to the spot, but facing the other direction so it was easier to get out.  The beach was pretty cool.   There are mountains behind the water, big rocks and other people's stuff.   The beach was on the deepest loch in Scotland, Loch Morar.  We stripped him down, got him in his suit so that he could play in the water.  He was fixated on a friggin' Disney blow up ball, and other people's sand castle making toys.   The owners of the sand castle stuff were generous and they let him use it.

He wanted to do one thing and one thing only:  go in the water.  It was also nap time and this led to a slight meltdown on the beach.  Nothing too terrible, just throwing himself on the ground, which always makes me laugh, because he's full of shit (figuratively and often literally, ) and he looks up to see if we're paying attention, with a smirk on his face, and when I ignore him he continues to cry...and so the game goes.

Got him in the car and he napped for the remainder of the ride (if I remember correctly)   We continued to drive and scenery was just absurd - mountains everywhere, with super plush greenery and it looked like different levels of stuff on each - it was beautiful.  We  got to the place and he continued to nap and I meditated, I have no idea what Jess was doing.  We got in to the apartment, round the corner and up two flights of stairs and relaxed, went to get food at Tesco but it was closed because it is Sunday and almost 6 pm!  So we ran over to Morrison's, where six o'clock seems to be a suggestion.  Came back to the joint and hung out.  

Before all that we had stopped in the St. Andrew's Church that was right there, the first Episcopalian church in Scotland.  ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.....it was pretty but we could have skipped it and still not gotten to Tesco before it closed.

Bloomberg must own this apartment - look at the size of that fucking cup.

We had dinner, chicken parm for me made with Jess' coconut oil and mozzarella, you make due with what ya got!   

The apartment was boiling hot.  There are no ACs because you normally do not need them except for a few days a year.  Luckily, we were here for those.  The windows sucked and so did the ventilation.  Baby Neil had his shirt off, and because of the decor, I couldn't tell if he was like all the other Scotsmen (they all walk around with their shirts off even if they're a hot mess) or if he was in a 70s porn.

After dinner, we headed to old Inverlochy Castle and grabbed about six geocaches to end the evening.

On the way in, I was able to grab this shot.  Nice end to a beautiful day.  One more full day to go.